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Overwhelming Sadness

I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness. My throat’s all closed up and my heart feels heavy and my chest hurts. It hurts so much and all I can feel is sadness. Just sadness. It’s raw and painful and unforgiving. This isn’t supposed to be happening. I’m not supposed to be feeling like this. I’m on happy medicine. I just don’t know. I feel quite confused and lost and so tired. Just so tired of fighting the same battle everyday of my life and i’m struggling. I really want to escape and get away. Have contact with no one or just one person. Lose myself in my own world or in the world of others through books. That’s not happening soon. People won’t let go of me. They hold on. Their hands clutching at me. They drag me back in to their lives when I just want to be free. I’ll see how much longer I last. I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about my medication. I just want these thoughts to leave me alone. I don’t want to feel this pain. I want to be numb.

16 - Yes, no, maybe so.

That moment when you’re stood on edge.

Saying that you did not pledge,

allegiance.

Will you survive that fall so far?

Will you be strong enough to get up?

Or will you forever be engulfed by darkness?

Trying to put it all in a jar.

Don’t you see?

This is me.

Trying to write her feelings out.

Trying to put her feelings away.

Feeling led astray.

How does she recover,

from a fall so great?

Maybe this is just her fate.

Living a life of misery and suffer.

Each day only makes her weaker,

yet makes her tougher.

She wanders around,

oh so lost.

Only waiting to be found.

Feeling bound,

to this world.

Hearing sounds,

that make no sense.

Making her tense.

Is it him that be calling?

She hears him always,

as she’s falling.

7 - To have beautiful memories

Flashing light,

so bright,

you might,

lose your sight.

But that wouldn’t be good. How are you going to see your love? Or has she blinded you too? Made you a fool. With her beauty and looks. Haven’t you heard of such women in books? Give her everything you have. She’ll love you forever.

You’re blinded by her love. She’s in love with who you are. You’re in love with what you see. Always in each others minds. Never far.

Maybe they should both bind,

to each other.

Marry maybe?

They might have a happily ever after. But see this is all a dream for them both. It will never happen. They’re soulmates from different times. That’s if soulmates exist. At least they’re happy with what they have now. Even though in time they will part,

their separate ways.

They dream happy thoughts.

Yet the ending is sad and near.

It won’t all be bad.

They’ll have laughed and loved and have beautiful memories.

But then they’ll realise it was a love they could never have.

6 - Best Before the End. A Recipe

Everything’s better before the end.

If you keep it in the fridge,

Or a cool, dark place.

No strong odours remember.

However keeping humans in fridges isn’t really acceptable.

Everything has to end.

If relationships, family and friends had storage labels, how would they read?

For me it’d be…

When angry, store in fridge till cooled down.

When in love, leave out at room temperature. Let love blossom.

When sad, put in cool dark place. Remove all sharp objects.

When happy, open packaging. Let them loose on the kitchen floor and roam the world, the beauty and enjoy life.

If relationships were food however, they’d be chocolates, picnics, coffees in the mornings and candlelit dinners. If they were to be describe, they’d be happy, smiles, laughter, long walks, watching the sunset and a million hugs with the odd falling out over who was meant to feed the cat.

Everything’s better before the end. But the end has to come. It brings with it tears, hate, sadness, heartache and death.

I want the best before the end. I don’t want the end to come. 

But it will. Lets live the best before the end.

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