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Overwhelming Sadness

I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness. My throat’s all closed up and my heart feels heavy and my chest hurts. It hurts so much and all I can feel is sadness. Just sadness. It’s raw and painful and unforgiving. This isn’t supposed to be happening. I’m not supposed to be feeling like this. I’m on happy medicine. I just don’t know. I feel quite confused and lost and so tired. Just so tired of fighting the same battle everyday of my life and i’m struggling. I really want to escape and get away. Have contact with no one or just one person. Lose myself in my own world or in the world of others through books. That’s not happening soon. People won’t let go of me. They hold on. Their hands clutching at me. They drag me back in to their lives when I just want to be free. I’ll see how much longer I last. I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about my medication. I just want these thoughts to leave me alone. I don’t want to feel this pain. I want to be numb.

Journey

The darkness has again started to become overwhelming. It’s tendrils reaching in and curling themselves around any ounce of happiness turning it in to the hate that consumes my very soul. The path of self destruction has begun again. And so let it be a long, winding, difficult road. Let it be a torturous journey. Let her not see the end.

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